Bullying and youth suicide has
become a popular topic today. It seems as though every week there are new
stories of the tragic deaths of children and teens. Their peers had tormented
them to the extent that they felt the only answer was death. That is a tragedy
in itself. However, something even more sinister is now coming to light.
Children and parents rely on
teachers to protect their students from danger and abuse. No one even thought
about the revolting possibility that the teachers themselves were bullies.
Just recently, a frustrated parent, Stuart Chaifetz, put a wire on
his ten year old, autistic son, Akian. He recorded the staff in Akian’s class
at Horace Mann Elementary School in Cherry Hill, NJ. They were calling the
child "a bastard," talking about vomiting that morning due to a
hangover, and apparently teasing the autistic child to the point where he had a
"half-hour meltdown."
This is
horrendous! It is unthinkable. However, it gets worse. Mr. Chaifetz said he has
discovered that the teacher of his son's class, Kelly Altenburg, was moved to
another school and not fired, while a teacher’s union official told msnbc.com
Wednesday that Altenburg "basically was exonerated."
What?
How can children feel safe when the cancer
of bullying has spread beyond their peers and now includes their teachers?
The growing awareness of the epidemic
in bullying must continue. . Education is the key. Everyone must be
aware of the signs of bullying and what to do when you spot a situation.
That is why I wrote a short handbook that I am giving away- free of
charge. You can get your free copy here.
Do you know that there are different types of bullying?
Physical Bullies
This includes hitting or kicking the
victim. Also taking or damaging the victim's property. This is the most obvious
type of bullying because it is so easy to spot. The entire population in the
school usually knows physical bullies.
Verbal Bullies
Verbal bullies use words to hurt or
humiliate another person. This would include name-calling, insulting, making
racist comments, and teasing. This type of bullying is the easiest to inflict
on other children. It can be done quickly and on the sly. Its effects can be
more devastating than physical bullying, because these scars stay with you
forever.
Relational Bullies
Relational or relationship bullies
try to convince their peers to exclude or reject a certain person or people and
cut the victims off from their social connections. This type of bullying is
linked to verbal bullying and usually occurs when children (most often girls)
spread nasty rumors about others or exclude an ex-friend from the peer group.
The most devastating effect with this type of bullying is the rejection by the
peer group at a time when children most need their social connections.
For more on types
of bullying click here.
This could be a great opportunity to
open the dialog with the children in your life:
Can you identify the type of
bullying in the scenarios below?
This is a situation where Ally and
Bella are playing and then Jenny asks them if she can play too. Ally and Bella
roll their eyes and tell Jenny that she cannot play with them.
This is hurtful and Jenny will feel
that she is being left out or ostracized.
This is relational bullying.
Here is another situation where
Bobby and Nick think it is really funny to hide Jimmy's coat. Jimmy asks them
if they know where it is, but they will not tell him. Jimmy is upset. He has to
go to recess, in the cold, with no coat. Plus, he will get in trouble at home
when he must tell his parents that he lost his coat.
This is cruel and humiliating.
This is physical bullying.
In this situation, Jenny walks in
the bathroom and finds Ally and Bella combing their hair. Jenny says,
"Hi." and Ally and Bella ignore her and then Ally says, "Why are
your sleeves rolled up Jenny- it's winter!" and then Ally and Bella laugh
at Jenny. Jenny leaves the bathroom in tears. She will be upset all day and have
a hard time sleeping that night. She is humiliated and hurt.
This is hurtful and humiliating.
It is very mean to make fun of someone and laugh at him or her.
This is verbal bullying.
Another example is a situation where
Bobby and Nick are playing on the basketball team and they never pass the ball
to Jimmy-even when Jimmy is in the perfect position and he is open to catch the
ball.
This is wrong. It is hurtful and
mean to exclude Jimmy. Everyone deserves his or her turn.
This is relational
bullying.
In life- not just sports, we must
realize that we only win when we are team players. When we work together as a team,
we always succeed. We all need to treat each other with kindness and love.
God said, "Treat others as you
would want to be treated.” So before you do something mean or thoughtless to
someone- think of how you would feel if they did the same to you?
Here are some random facts about
bullies:
Even though a bully will insult
their victim and try to ridicule the way the victim looks, the fact is- most
bullies are unattractive. Even if they were attractive, they would still look
ugly because of their ugly behavior.
The purpose of bullying is to hide
the fact that they are not very smart. In reality, they are weak and
incompetent. They want to take all attention away from their inadequacy. Even
though the bully puts on a big show, with the ability to attract and intimidate
many followers, bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus
feel insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor proven in all studies of bullying.
Bullies operate on resentment,
bitterness, hatred, and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices against
anyone who is different. Jealousy and envy are what drives a bully. Rejection
is another powerful motivator of bullying.
Today, bullying behaviors at school
are viewed as dangerous and harmful acts that victimize the targeted student
and bystanders. Bullying can no longer be dismissed as harmless teasing. Bullying
is a pattern of deliberate, negative, hurtful, aggressive acts that works to
shift the balance of physical, emotional, or social power. This is a hate crime.
Yes a crime.
They are currently working on
legislature to pass laws that will ensure if someone if convicted of bullying,
as a child, they will go to a juvenile detention facility, or if they are a
teenager or adult, they will most likely be tried as an adult and go to prison.
If you are or have been a victim of
a bully, you are in good company. Some famous people who have been bullied include:
- Lady Gaga
- Robert Patterson- yes, Edward from Twilight
- Kristen Stewart- Bella from Twilight
- Taylor Lautner- Jacob from Twilight
- Daniel Radcliffe- star of Harry Potter movies
- Emma Watson- the star from the Harry Potter movies
- Miley Cyrus
- Prince Harry
- Kate Middleton
- Michael Phelps
- Christine Aguilara
- Chris Rock
- Pierce Brosnan- that's James Bond
- Bill Clinton- a former president of the United States
- Tiger Woods
- Demi Lovato
- Rhianna
- Taylor Swift
- Justin Timberlake
So, please keep your eyes open. Whether
you are a student, a parent, or a teacher, you must watch out for your
fellow "team members". As decent human beings, we are all responsible
for keeping our children safe. Remember, "It takes a village to raise a
child". If you see any bullying behavior- step up and do the right thing. Your
action could save a life.
As I mentioned earlier, I have
written a short handbook to help you spot the signs and know what to do when
you recognize bullying behavior. I am giving away the book - free of charge.
Let's get the word out! The book is 'The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to
arm you for the fight' and you can get your free copy here
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