New Years Resolutions

The good ole "New Years Resolution'.  How it has evolved.  Almost as though it has a life of its own. It- like I- has become older and wiser.  It has matured and its value system is different than it was ten years ago.  It is kinder and gentler.

For many years it could be quite cruel.  Making promises it couldn't keep.  Almost setting me up for failure.  It put an emphasis on vanity and materialistic goods; losing weight, working out seven days a week,  giving up carbs permanently, making way more money... They were tough demands and even though I gave them the "old college try", inevitably I would fail.

But now it's different.  Sure, I want to be at a healthy weight and I will resolve to stay fit and work out at least three times a week.  But more importantly my resolutions will revolve around the priorities in my current life.  Things that matter in the big picture of life.  Spending more time helping others, fighting for my causes.  

I'm going to resolve to stay positive and not let negativity have the upper hand. There's something so comfortable and familiar about being negative: "These politicians are all crooks, I don't know how the economy will ever recover." or when you hear of the horrors and crimes against innocent lives, "What is happening to the world? Where is God? It doesn't make any sense." 

I think I will give up watching the news. I believe that watching the news is unhealthy.  I would like to have a daily summary of the headlines- minus the crime and cruelty.  Okay, I could be really negative here and say, "Then what news would be left?" But I won't.  I'm going to stop watching the news. It's so slanted anyway. (Was that negative?)

I'm going to keep writing my fiction books and I will keep them fun, but I will always include a lesson.  A lesson in acceptance and love. 

Acceptance and love is really all we need to change the world.

And I will pray to God that my work will make a difference. Even if only for one life. 

Happy New Year to all and may 2012 be the best ever!

Facebook Launches Suicide Prevention Tool- Bullying Epidemic!

Bullying and youth suicide has become a popular topic today.  It seems as though every week there are new stories of the tragic deaths of children and teens who were tormented by their peers.

Now, Facebook has even taken steps to try to help those who may be having suicidal thoughts. The company introduced changes that allow any user to highlight content from a friend or acquaintance they believe may be the result of suicidal thoughts or behaviour. Once the user highlights the content, the person who posted it will receive a direct link to a private, online chat session with a counsellor.

Facebook will then email the user in distress a direct link for a private online chat with a crisis representative from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline as well as the group's phone number.

According to Reuters, the new tool gives people who may not be comfortable picking up the phone a direct avenue to seek help.
"This was a natural progression from something we've been working on for a long time," Wolens said.
It's important that there is a finally a growing awareness of this rising epidemic in bullying. Education is the key.   Everyone needs to be aware of the signs of bullying and what to do when you spot a situation.  That is why I wrote a short handbook that I am giving away- free of charge.  You can get your free copy here.

Do you know that there are different types of bullying?

Physical Bullies
This includes hitting or kicking the victim.  Also taking or damaging the victim's property. This is the most obvious type of bullying because it is so easy to spot. Physical bullies are usually known to the entire population in the school.


Verbal Bullies
Verbal bullies use words to hurt or humiliate another person. This would include name-calling, insulting, making racist comments and teasing. This type of bullying is the easiest to inflict on other children. It can be done quickly and on the sly.  Its effects can be more devastating than physical bullying, because these scars stay with you forever.

Relational Bullies
Relational or relationship bullies try to convince their peers to exclude or reject a certain person or people and cut the victims off from their social connections. This type of bullying is linked to verbal bullying and usually occurs when children (most often girls) spread nasty rumors about others or exclude an ex-friend from the peer group. The most devastating effect with this type of bullying is the rejection by the peer group at a time when children most need their social connections.
For more on types of bullying click here.

This could be a great opportunity to open the dialog with the children in your life:

Can you identify the type of bullying in the scenarios below?

This is a situation where Ally and Bella are playing and then Jenny asks them if she can play too.  Ally and Bella roll their eyes and tell Jenny that she can not play with them.
 
This is hurtful and Jenny will feel that she is being left out or ostracized.
This is relational bullying.

Here's another situation where Bobby and Nick think it's really funny to hide Jimmy's coat.  Jimmy asks them if they know where it is, but they will not tell him.  Jimmy is upset.  He has to go to recess, in the cold, with no coat.  Plus, he will get in trouble at home when he must tell his parents that he lost his coat. 

This is cruel and humiliating. 
This is physical bullying.

In this situation Jenny walks in the bathroom and finds Ally and Bella combing their hair.  Jenny says, "Hi." and Ally and Bella ignore her and then Ally says, "Why are your sleeves rolled up Jenny- it's winter!" and then Ally and Bella laugh at Jenny.  Jenny leaves the bathroom in tears.  She will be upset all day and have a hard time sleeping that night.  She is humiliated and hurt. 

This is hurtful and humiliating.  It is very mean to make fun of someone and laugh at them.
This is verbal bullying.

Another situation could be where Bobby and Nick are playing on the basketball team and they never pass the ball to Jimmy-even when Jimmy is in the perfect position and he's open to catch the ball.

This is wrong.  It is hurtful and mean to exclude Jimmy. Everyone deserves their turn.
 This is relational bullying.

In life- not just sports- we must realize that we only win when we are team players.  When we work together as a team we always succeed.  We all need to treat each other with kindness and love.
God said, "Treat others as you would want to be treated."  So before you do something mean or thoughtless to someone- think of how you would feel if they did the same to you?

Here are some random facts about bullies:

Even though a bully will insult their victim and try to ridicule the way the victim looks, the fact is- most bullies are unattractive. And even if they were attractive, they would still look ugly because of their ugly behavior.

The purpose of bullying is to hide the fact that they are not very smart.  In reality, they are weak and incompetent.  They want to take all attention away from their inadequacy.  Even though the bully puts on a big show, with the ability to attract and intimidate many followers, bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus feel insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor proven in all studies of bullying.

Bullies operate on resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices against anyone who is different. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection is another powerful motivator of bullying.

Today, bullying behaviors at school are recognized as dangerous and harmful acts that victimize the targeted student and bystanders. Bullying can no longer be dismissed as harmless teasing.  Bullying is a pattern of deliberate, negative, hurtful, aggressive acts that works to shift the balance of physical, emotional, or social power.  This is a hate crime.  Yes a crime.

They are currently working on legislature to pass laws that will ensure if someone if convicted of bullying, as a child, they will go to a juvenile detention facility or if they are a teenager or adult, they will most likely be tried as an adult and go to prison.

If you are or have been a victim of a bully, you are in good company.  Some famous people who have been bullied include:

• Lady Gaga
• Robert Patterson- yes, Edward from Twilight
• Kristen Stewart- Bella from Twilight
• Taylor Lautner- Jacob from Twilight
• Daniel Radcliffe- star of Harry Potter movies
• Emma Watson- the star from the Harry Potter movies
• Miley Cyrus
• Prince Harry
• Kate Middleton
• Michael Phelps
• Christine Aguilara
• Chris Rock
• Pierce Brosnan- that's James Bond
• Bill Clinton- a former president of the United States
• Tiger Woods
• Demi Lovato
• Rhianna
• Taylor Swift
• Justin Timberlake

So, please keep your eyes open.  Whether you are a student or a parent or a teacher,  you must watch out for your fellow "team members".   As a decent human being, it is everyone's responsibility to keep our children safe.  Remember, "It takes a village to raise a child".  If you see any bullying behavior- be brave and do the right thing.  Your action could save a life.

As I mentioned earlier, I have written a short handbook to help you spot the signs and know what to do when you recognize bullying behavior.  I am giving away the book - free of charge.  Let's get the word out! The book is 'The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight'
and you can get your free copy here

Picture: Sad girl Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kprj/with/3180217508/

Being Bullied- My Story

There are memories in my childhood that are still so painful I try not to think about it.   When those memories do come rushing back, the tears begin to flow. It's hard to believe that after all these years; I can feel the sadness as though it were yesterday.

You see, when I was a little girl, I was the victim of bullying.  I had just moved to a new city with my parents and I was starting at a new school.  I missed my old friends, but I hoped I would make some nice new friends.  I was kind of shy and quiet so I was nervous.  But it was exciting.  I didn't know what to expect- but I never expected what happened. 

On my first day of school, the bully in my class decided to single me out.  Looking back- it seems so absurd that someone can randomly pick an innocent child and then terrorize them based on something like their name or the fact that they wear glasses.  It's also hard to believe that this boy had so much power over the rest of the children- no one dared to confront him.  He could make other children join in with the taunting and teasing.

No one would defy him to be my friend.  They were afraid.  This could result in the bully focusing his abuse on them.  Even the teachers ignored the abuse.

Then there were the school rituals that fed right into the bully culture.

When it came to gym class there was a dreaded process that the teachers used to build the teams.  The teachers picked a couple of children to be the "Team Captains", and then those children would pick their teams.  It was so humiliating.  I knew I would be the last one chosen.  I didn't even want to play because the bully and his friends always welcomed the opportunity to hit me with the ball or just run into me and knock me to the ground. 

He made my life a sad and lonely hell.  It wasn't just the taunting and name calling.  At recess he and his friends just tortured me.  Between the taunting and being hurt physically, it was terrorism.  He once hit me in the face with a football and I still remember how badly that hurt.  I cried but no one came to my rescue.

My mother told me to ignore him.  I did.  It didn't change anything.  I had a very ignorant relative that asked me, what was wrong with me?  There must be something wrong with me or the kid would not pick on me. 

I didn't know.  At this point I was confused.  I was only seven years old. Maybe something was wrong with me. But what changed? I had a lot of friends at my old school.  We all got along really well.  I didn't understand.

I had a hard time falling asleep at night because I had a pain in my stomach.  I was afraid of what would happen the next day at school.  I loved Fridays, I cherished my weekend reprieve from the suffering, but I started feeling sick on Sunday morning, knowing it was only a matter of hours...

I prayed and prayed to God to make the bully leave me alone, but the bullying never stopped.  Thankfully after a couple of years the school closed.  I went to a new school.  The bully went to a different school. 

 Everything changed.  I was back to being a normal kid with friends.  Thank God.

That happened to me many, many years ago and yet when I think about it or talk about it, I start to cry.  I cry for that helpless little girl so many years back and I cry for my young nieces and nephews- I never want them to go through anything like that.  And I cry for the children that were bullied so badly they felt there was no way out and they killed themselves.  Now their parents and brothers and sisters will always wish they had done something.   No innocent child deserves to be bullied. 

I believe the solution is education.  Everyone needs to be aware of the signs of bullying and what to do when you spot a situation.  That is why I wrote a short handbook called The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight.  The proceeds go to 'The Bullying Epidemic Foundation'.  You can find the book here

Do you know that there are different types of bullying?

Physical Bullies
This includes hitting or kicking the victim.  Also taking or damaging the victim's property. This is the most obvious type of bullying because it is so easy to spot. Physical bullies are usually known to the entire population in the school.

Verbal Bullies
Verbal bullies use words to hurt or humiliate another person. This would include name-calling, insulting, making racist comments and teasing. This type of bullying is the easiest to inflict on other children. It can be done quickly and on the sly.  Its effects can be more devastating than physical bullying, because these scars stay with you forever.

Relational Bullies

For more on types of bullying click here.

This could be a great opportunity to open the dialog with the children in your life:

Can you identify the type of bullying in the scenarios below?

This is a situation where Ally and Bella are playing and then Jenny asks them if she can play too.  Ally and Bella roll their eyes and tell Jenny that she can not play with them   

This is hurtful and Jenny will feel that she is being left out or ostracized. 

This is relational bullying.

Here's another situation where Bobby and Nick think it's really funny to hide Jimmy's coat.  Jimmy asks them if they know where it is, but they will not tell him.  Jimmy is upset.  He has to go to recess, in the cold, with no coat.  Plus, he will get in trouble at home when he must tell his parents that he lost his coat.   

This is cruel and humiliating.  

This is physical bullying.

In this situation Jenny walks in the bathroom and finds Ally and Bella combing their hair.  Jenny says, "Hi." and Ally and Bella ignore her and then Ally says, "Why are your sleeves rolled up Jenny- it's winter!" and then Ally and Bella laugh at Jenny.  Jenny leaves the bathroom in tears.  She will be upset all day and have a hard time sleeping that night.  She is humiliated and hurt.   

This is hurtful and humiliating.  It is very mean to make fun of someone and laugh at them. 

This is verbal bullying.

Another situation could be where Bobby and Nick are playing on the basketball team and they never pass the ball to Jimmy-even when Jimmy is in the perfect position and he's open to catch the ball. 

This is wrong.  It is hurtful and mean to exclude Jimmy. Everyone deserves their turn.  

This is relational bullying.

In life- not just sports- we must realize that we only win when we are team players.  When we work together as a team we always succeed.  We all need to treat each other with kindness and love. 

God said, "Treat others as you would want to be treated."  So before you do something mean or thoughtless to someone- think of how you would feel if they did the same to you?

Here are some random facts about bullies:

Even though a bully will insult their victim and try to ridicule the way the victim looks, the fact is- most bullies are unattractive.

The purpose of bullying is to hide the fact that they are not very smart.  In reality, they are weak and incompetent.  They want to take all attention away from their inadequacy.

Even though the bully puts on a big show, with the ability to attract and intimidate many followers, bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus feel insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor proven in all studies of bullying. 

Bullies operate on resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices against anyone who is different. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection is another powerful motivator of bullying.

Today, bullying behaviors at school are recognized as dangerous and harmful acts that victimize the targeted student and bystanders. Bullying can no longer be dismissed as harmless teasing.  Bullying is a pattern of deliberate, negative, hurtful, aggressive acts that works to shift the balance of physical, emotional, or social power.  This is a hate crime.  Yes a crime. 

They are currently working on legislature to pass laws that will ensure if someone if convicted of bullying, as a child, they will go to a juvenile detention facility or if they are a teenager or adult, they will most likely be tried as an adult and go to prison.

If you are or have been a victim of a bully, you are in good company.  Some famous people who have been bullied include:

• Lady Gaga
• Robert Patterson- yes, Edward from Twilight
• Kristen Stewart- Bella from Twilight
• Taylor Lautner- Jacob from Twilight
• Daniel Radcliffe- star of Harry Potter movies
• Emma Watson- the star from the Harry Potter movies
• Miley Cyrus
• Prince Harry
• Kate Middleton
• Michael Phelps
• Christine Aguilara
• Chris Rock
• Pierce Brosnan- that's James Bond
• Bill Clinton- a former president of the United States
• Tiger Woods
• Demi Lovato
• Rhianna
• Taylor Swift
• Justin Timberlake

So, please keep your eyes open.  Whether you are a student or a parent or a teacher,   you must watch out for your fellow "team members".   As a decent human being, it is everyone's responsibility to keep our children safe.  Remember, "It takes a village to raise a child".  If you see any bullying behavior- be brave and do the right thing.  Your action could save a life.

As I mentioned earlier, I have written a short handbook to help you spot the signs and know what to do when you recognize bullying behavior.  I am giving away the book - free of charge. 

It's called, The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight'

and you can get your copy here:

 

Let's get the word out! 

Based on a research report done by Snooth.com, moms  make up a large proportion of our customers.  To me that says we need to make sure we are providing what these busy moms need.

The research shows that two-thirds of the moms polled consider it to be "always acceptable" to drink wine while preparing dinner, and 27% feel it to be always acceptable to drink while doing housework.  I agree! It  Wine can elevate the mundane into something special.

We know people usually consume their wine within just a few hours of purchase, so why not stop by Discount Liquor check our selection in Kat's Wine Boutique, and.or ask us about what's new in wine, so that you can choose the wine that will dazzle at the next parental function. We can point out some really great, "drinkable" wines that appeal to a wide variety of palates.

58% of respondents in the recent poll replied that it was always or usually acceptable to drink wine during parental functions involving children. This is of course in moderation and always with a designated driver if there is driving involved.

It is acceptable (and fun) to drink wine in a variety of venues, but remember to drink responsibly.

Italian wine & food pairing

A couple of nights ago, I had the honor to attend an incredible event.  Agio Italian Bistro, in Palatine, IL and Altadonna Wines presented an intimate evening full of decadent food and fine wine.

Altadonna's celebrated winemaker, Niccolo Chioccioli, flew in from the winery in Italy to share his delicious insights on the food and wine pairings.  He was just delightful.  He is incredibly knowledgeable without a ounce of snobbery.  

Niccolo's father, Stefano started the family winemaking business.   According to Stefano “the role of a winemaker is to enhance the land where he works” by creating wines with “the maximum quality expression of the area.” The Altadonna line features six wines made from the principle grape varietals of Italy in their purity. From Pinot Grigio in the Tre Venezie to Nero d’Avola in Sicily, each wine reflects his expertise in working with the various and distinct regions of Italy.

He also said that, Anna Altadonna -- Stefano’s beloved wife -- was the inspiration for these wines. Her integrity is the same quality the family hopes to encapsulate in every bottle. 
 
With this perfect combination of passion, integrity and love they have created some incredible wines.  I am going to look into stocking these wines in my boutique.   

Here is the menu from the event:

Pinot Grigio: Goat cheese salad with a balsamic vinaigrette

Pinot Nero: Saffron and mushroom risotto  

Sangiovese: Meatballs and roasted peppers

Nero d'Avola: Grilled pork tenderloin with veal sauce

 I would not even attempt to recreate these dishes- the Chef at Agio is a magic man.  But-with a few tweaks- maybe this is the answer to my next food and wine seminar.  That is, if I can get my hands on this incredible wine.  I'll keep you posted.

Wine + Food = Fun!

As I have started thinking about hosting another wine and food tasting, I remembered how much we fun had with our Summer Food & Wine Pairing Seminar.  I always make it a point to ensure that everyone feels relaxed & comfortable- no intimidating wine snobs : ) 

I also want everyone to know that you really don’t have to spend a lot of money to get a great bottle of wine.  In our tastings we always feature fantastic yet affordable wines. I do all the research.  I learn about grapes, the vineyards, the winery, the weather, the wine making process, pairing the wine with food- everything I can find.   

These are the fantastic pairings we had at that seminar:

  

White wine

Bogle Sauvignon Blanc

 Black Tiger Shrimp with Pesto Aioli- The lemony undertones in this wine are a natural blend with the shrimp.  The creamy and exhilarating aioli brings it all together- in a good way.

Bogle Chardonnay

Aged Irish Cheddar on classic cracker- This pair marries tangy, salty and nutty with fruity and creamy.  Exciting and different without being offensive ; )

Cupcake Chardonnay

Artichoke and Jalapeño with Jack Cheese on a crostini- The tanginess and spice of the artichoke and jalapeño prove that opposites attract when paired with this buttery chardonnay.

Two Oceans Sauvignon Blanc

French style gourmet smoked sausage with blue cheese on baguette slice with Dijon mustard- The fresh, vibrant flavors of this wine can be savored with the herbs and fromage in this “oui-sconsin” sausage. Perfect pairing for a Bastille’s Day picnic.

Twisted Pinot Grigio

Italian Meatballs with Marinara- When speaking of this Pinot, It’s been said that the nose brings to mind Lemon Italian Ices. Well what better to match with than Italian meatballs in a nice marinara? Unexpected? Yes. Yet they do flatter one another.

Schlink Haus Riesling

Colby on crispy bagel chip- The smooth flavor of the all American Colby cheese is the perfect complement to this highly aromatic German wine. German and American combinations are a proven success.  There are over 51 million German American citizens in the United States!

Red wine

Ménage a trios red

Potato Chips-sea salt and pepper: The flavors of the Ménage a Trois Red seem to be magnified by the potato chips with the sea salt and pepper.  Almost like magic…

Gnarly Head Old Vine Zinfandel

Turkey Chili served on tortilla chip- The luscious berry flavors, layered with pepper in this wine can makes a humble bowl of chili come alive!

Gnarly Head Pinot Noir (one of my personal fav's)

Havarti cheese on pita cracker- This creamy, buttery cheese balances out the vibrant, explosive Pinot.  It is true- opposites attract.

Twisted Cabernet

Muenster Cheese on Pita Chip- This strong cheese is never intimidated by Cabernet.  It’s a healthy liaison.  Quite becoming...

1830 Malbec-Cabernet Sauvignon 2007

Tortilla chips and savory salsa- With a wine this lusciously complex all you need is a simple chip and a savory tomato salsa to bring out the sweetness in life.

http://www.bombalyaldao.com.ar/english.html

Maggio Petite Sirah

Twix candy bar- Most people know that this wine has peppery tendencies.  It just calls out for a little “sugar”, if you know what I mean…

I hope you’ll try some of these pairings.  Please let me know if you have any ideas you’d like to share.

Fast forward

Well, now you know all about the beginning.  Now I'm going to fast forward to the middle. 

After having lived on the East coast for six years, we decided to move back to the Chicago area.  With the help of my brother in law, we found a great location to open a liquor store.  It was right next to a Walgreen's and Walgreen's had just decided to stop selling liquor.  We thought it was a perfect location and we would be able to capture the market of customers that had been buying liquor from Walgreen's.

 It was so good to be back in my home town, surrounded by family.  It was a very exciting time. We were searching for a new home & we were working on the store, plus, I had just started a new job.

We rented the store as an empty box.  My Mom, sister and I  rolled up our sleeves and painted and scrubbed floors, while the guys were out buying coolers and shelving.  It was a lot of work, but it was worth it.  When we finally opened the doors, the store was beautiful.  It has always been very important to keep the store spotless, well lit and smelling nice.  We always want out customers to enjoy their visit.  We also found a radio station that seems to appeal to everyone.  It's music from the  80's- who can resist?

Harry ran the store & my mom helped out for a few months in the beginning.  Harry found his calling.  He really loved running a small family business.  He loved the interaction with our customers and being part of the local community.  I was working full time and doing a fair amount of business travel. Thank God I had a job because it took some time to build the business to the point of actually making a profit.  In the beginning, the little strip mall was empty except for a dental practice.  It wasn't until a couple of little stores opened that we started getting more customers.  Many people didn't even know we were there. 

Our big break came when a fantastic Polish Deli opened a couple of doors down.  It was always busy and many of their customers would stop in our store for their liquor needs.  We started to carry an extensive selection of Polish beer and vodka.  The owners of the deli were really nice people who ended up being good friends.  They are gone now, but the deli remains.  The strip mall is actually full now.  We have a vitamin store, gift shop & dental practice. 

The economy hit us hard, like most other businesses.  Plus, I lost my job.  Like many people, I tried to find another job- sent out thousands of resumes-got little response and then kind of gave up.  I started to focus on my writing .  I became the 'Chicago Alternative Health Examiner' for the Examiner online publication.  It pays by the number of people that read your article.  I make about $50 per year : )

I also wrote a book.  I wanted to write a book geared towards adolescents/ young adults.  I was and still am an avid reader and when I was a child I loved mysteries.  My favorites were 'Trixie Belden' and 'Nancy Drew'.  My book has mystery, mysticism , a love story and of course there is a morale to the story.  It's called 'Hirens Magical Adventure' and some of it is based on Harry's own experiences as a child.  It's about an American Indian boy who is sent to India for the Summer to learn about his heritage.  Let's just say he gets more than he bargained for ; )  I published it as a E-book.  Maybe some day it will be in print. 

Right about then we encountered another challenge with our store.  I mentioned that the reason we chose our location was because it was right by a Walgreen's and that Walgreen's had stopped selling liquor, so we hoped to serve those customers.  Well, Walgreen's has decided to start selling beer and wine again.  As a huge corporation, they have major buying power.  We could never compete with them on price.  They can offer sale items at below our cost!  So, even though excellent customer service has always been a priority, we realized we had to offer something extra to our customers.  

I thought it would be a good idea to focus on our wine drinkers.  I have coordinated two wine & food tasting seminars so far.  I really enjoy the whole process.  I am learning so much as I go along.  We are really lucky to have the support of our friend Jason Tulloss.  He runs the Schaumburg Wine Club and is nice enough to post our events on their website.  Most of our participants have been from the wine club.  They are a great group of people. 

I'm trying to think of some ideas for the next event.  It will probably be something related to entertaining over the holidays.  I'd better get to work on that- the month of October is almost gone!

How it all began

My name is Kathleen Patel. I'm not Indian by birth, but I've had the honor of joining the Indian community because of my marriage.

When I met my husband, Hiren (Harry to most of his friends), I knew nothing about India or its culture. Although I must admit that as a little girl playing dress-up, I used to wrap sheets around me in a feeble attempt to look like I was wearing a sari. I even used my mother's lipstick to create a bindi - the decorative dot that Indian women wear on their forehead. I guess I always admired the beauty and elegance of Indian women.

My husband, Harry, and I met almost twenty years ago - completely due to fate.  This is why I believe in destiny.

For years I went to work everyday and turned on my radio on to the same station.   On this particulat day, for some reason, I could only get reception for one station.  It was a station I had not listened to before that day.  All day long, the DJ's talked about a fun celebration for Bastille Day.  It was going to be happening that night, Friday, July 14th, 1992.  After hearing about it all day, I called my sister and asked her if she wanted to go to the festival after work.  She did and we were soon on our way to changing our lives.

Harry happened to be in my hometown, Chicago, on business. He was exhibiting at the convention center and staying at the Hotel Sofitel. That was where I found the love of my life. We met while standing in line for a glass of wine.  We instantly bonded. We watched the fireworks together. By the end of the week we both knew in our hearts that we were soul mates.

When I dropped Harry off at the airport he told me that he loved me. We both had tears in our eyes as he boarded the plane to New York.

When I returned to work, my radio was back to normal and I was able to get my regular station.  It was meant to be.

Little did we know, however, that we were on a rocky road to happiness. We both had a lot of learning to do.


When I first started to learn about the Indian culture, it was an exciting adventure. I wanted to know everything. I would haunt Devon Avenue every weekend - it made me feel closer to Harry during our long-distance romance. I wanted to learn all the beauty secrets of Indian women and I purchased all the lotions and oils that I could find.  I bought all of the Indian masala (spice) mixes and attempted to make Indian dishes for my family. I wasn't very good at it but my mother and sisters didn't have the heart to tell me.

I made Basmati rice every day and used Indian hair oil every weekend. I did research on India and the Hindu religion. I even bought the Bhagavad Gita,which is kind of like the Hindu bible. I would report all my escapades to Harry on the telephone every night.

Harry and I earned and used a lot of frequent-flyer miles over the next year. I had met his extended family in the states- his brother, wife and young daughter.  I had met several of his friends. I had also spoken to his mother, brother and sister in law, who live in India, over the phone.

I know his family was apprehensive of Harry getting seriously involved with an American girl. I could understand their fear. All they really knew about Americans was what they saw on television. Shows and music videos on MTV and such- didn't really make a good impression for Americans.

I wanted them to know that I was not the type of American portrayed on MTV - that I was, in fact, ashamed of that ridiculous American stereotype.

Being a first-generation Irish American myself, I feel that my values and morals originate from my heritage. The Irish culture is similar to the Indian in the fact that we are very family-oriented with strong values, respect and religion. I wrote several long letters to his family, explaining my beliefs and values.

Our relationship was met with a lot of opposition. Some of Harry's Indian friends tried to convince him to dump me, because I was American. It was a tough time.  I shed many tears that year.

On my side, initially people tried to warn me of the differences in our cultures and the problems we could encounter, but after meeting Harry and realizing what a decent, moral man he is, he was embraced by all my friends and family.

It was rather ironic. White Americans always are accused of being racists and bigots but it was actually a handful of Harry's Indian friends who were screaming the loudest. It was very sad.

On the other hand, the Indians who did accept me were some of the most gracious, hospitable and considerate people I have met.  My biggest advocate was Harry's brother, MG, who lived in California.  MG was married to a lovely Austrian woman named Brigitte and had a gorgeous young daughter named Neesha.

What it all comes down to is this: If you see that someone is happily in love, if you love that person, you will be happy for them.  My in-laws were kinder and more accepting than any of his friends.  It almost seemed to become a struggle for control. 

It was the most difficult time in our relationship but it made us stronger. In the end we discovered that the people who really loved us cared only about our happiness and were able to put aside any prejudice or racism. A year after we met, both of our families gave us their blessings for our marriage.

The next question that arose was what type of ceremony we would have. We both agreed that we believe in God and we respect each other's beliefs and religion. I attend many Hindu prayer services known as pujas and Harry attends mass with me on Catholic holidays.

We decided to marry in a non-denominational chapel. It was not a church or a temple, but it was a house of God. We are a nontraditional couple and we had a nontraditional wedding in Vegas (of course) but when we went to India later that year, we had a special puja to celebrate our marriage.

The most exciting experience of all was that first trip to India. We prepared for months. We shopped and packed and shopped and packed some more. We had four huge suitcases weighing in at about 80 pounds each. I didn't bring any clothes because I wanted to buy the lovely two-piece outfits that are called salwar kameez in India. I had purchased some tapes to learn to speak Hindi and I listened to them faithfully every day.

I was so nervous when our plane landed in Mumbai; it felt as though my heart would explode. I really didn't know what to expect. I wanted so badly for Harry's family to love me. I was soon to learn that I would be enveloped with love from the moment I met them.

They welcomed me with open arms. I was treated like royalty. I even felt guilty about being pampered so much and I kept offering to do little jobs around the house. They wouldn't allow me to lift a finger. I was so grateful to be a part of a family so full of love and goodness.

I also was struck by the hospitality of everyone I met in India. I was so touched by all the kindness shown me. Even the poorest people wanted to share a cup of tea and whatever food they had. The community where my in-laws live is particularly close knit.

In fact, after having spent an afternoon in bed with stomache ache and diarrhea, the following morning I was approached by at least a dozen people who were concerned about me. We still laugh about that today.

I had planned to impress everyone with my newly-acquired Hindi vocabulary. Unfortunately, I was so nervous all I could remember was "Where is the railway station?"

Since then we have made several trips to India and I have had the opportunity to really get to know my Indian family and bond with them. My mother-in-law also has spent time with us here in the states. Oh, and my cooking has improved. I can really make some great Dal, and Pav Bhaji is my specialty. My dishes don't always come out exactly authentic, but they're made with love.

Harry and I will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary this next August. We are looking forward to celebrating at least 50 more.

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