Showing posts with label bully. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bully. Show all posts

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Review, Interview & shocking revelations with @dagraystone




‘Two Graves’ is an incredibly well written novel. Once I started reading, I was hooked. The story line is profound, with a captivating subplot. 

This book will keep you on your toes. The tension builds from the first page. The depth of the characters deepens your experience. The players are complex and may remind you of people that you actually know.

You will cringe as you live through the killer’s memories of torment and suffering. The abusive childhood created a rage so intense-it produced a serial killer. You may try to put yourself in his shoes; try to understand his motivation. You may not like the feelings this evokes.

Your mind will race as the tension builds and the storylines meld. What is the connection with the serial killer and the mafia? Is the Kesle Police Department tied up with the mafia? Corruption is in the air.  

How will it end?

“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”  

Interview

K-

Thanks so much for joining us for an interview today, Derek. I was captivated with your book, ‘Two Graves’. It was intense, with some brutal murder scenes. I hope it sends out a message to all bullies.

 Being a Reiki Master and a Wiccan, I would guess that your personal beliefs lean more toward the peaceful & harmonious. Was there any personal inspiration for the story?

D-

Very true, I believe in peaceful resolutions to conflicts but I am also a realist in knowing that is not always possible, especially with bullies. Much of the inspiration for the novel came from past experiences. Yes, I was bullied when I was younger. I was in the Audio Visual club (this was the 70s before computers), I got straight A’s, was always the “good” kid in class, in other words, a total geek. I hung around with geeks and I even played the violin. (No, not the flute but then the violin didn’t ‘fit’ in the novel.) I might as well have had a target on my back.

I was saved by my one talent of being a fast runner. Both because it got me away from the bullies but it also got me accepted by the jocks, some of the worst bullies out there. I was the anomaly, a geek jock. But for that one talent, and the confidence it gave me, I would most likely have been a target all my life. And now that I have children, I see the trends still continuing and have even gotten worse. My son is bullied and,regardless of the new sensitivity toward bullying, I feel just as helpless as I did when I was his age.

And that helplessness combined with my current confidence is what drove the creation of my killer. In the aftermath of a bullying, I had thoughts of ‘I should have said this’, ‘I should have done this’. Now, what if a chronic victim could suddenly turn those thoughts into ‘I can fight back and give them even worse than they gave me’. Fighting back but to a degree that for most of us, hopefully, would only be fantasy.

K-

I understand that pain, firsthand.  I wish more kids could find a constructive way to fight back.  Unfortunately, more often than not, it seems to happen like it does in your book.  When the victim is terrorized to a certain degree it simply pushes them over the edge.  Every time you hear of a tragic massacre in a school, the perpetrators were victims of  bullying. It's just heartbreaking.  

On a lighter note, if ‘Two Graves’ is made into a movie, who would you like to see cast in the roles?

D-

Interesting you should say that. Every book I write, I have pictures of my characters pinned up on the wall, often times just pictures of people I see but often actors. And you have to remember that it can take years to write the book and sometimes my choices age themselves out of running. I did see George Clooney as Mann and originally Julianne Moore as Dani. However, I could see Poppy Montgomery in the part Dani with no problem at all. Joaquin Phoenix was always the killer, although he would have to put on some pounds. I have also promised my 88 year old father that he can have a walk on part.

K-

I love George Clooney as Mann.  Poppy would be great- and now she even has the red hair, like Dani. Maybe your father could play the role of a veteran cop that they call in to consult with on the case. I would have never thought of Joaquin Phoenix, but if he put on a few pounds, yes, I can see it!

Please share with us, what is your writing ritual? Where do you like to write?  How often? Do you schedule time or wait for inspiration?

D-

I write as often and whenever I can. With my schedule, that might mean at 5 in the morning or 12 at night or anywhere in between. My preference for location is a house we go to in Exuma, Bahamas. Otherwise, I do most of my writing in my basement office that the previous owners used for a storage room. The writer in me considers it warm and cozy, with convenient access to everything in the room – doesn’t that sound better than hot, cramped and crowded. Whenever the Canadian weather allows it, I also write in my back yard around the pool.

My method is to plot and plan the entire book. I also have detailed character sketches and back stories for my characters before I start. More often than not, much of the backstory doesn’t even get into the book but it is always in the back of my mind, giving motivation to the characters. Then, after I transfer all my notes to index cards, I just start writing at the beginning and to until it ends. I also set up a schedule of X number of words a day that invariably is overly ambitious and never achieved.

K-

I like the idea a the detailed character sketches and back stories.  I think I read somewhere that Steven King does something similar. I’m going to try that technique.

Balance seems to be an issue that most authors grapple with. You have a wife, four daughters, one son, and three granddaughters. How do you balance your personal life with your writing and the promotional aspect of writing?

D-

I have to change my bio again since one of my daughters got married and I inherited two more granddaughters. And then we have one more coming this summer. Balance? I don’t know a fledgling Indie author who isn’t an expert juggler. Strangely, it always seems to be the writing that suffers if you are not diligent in getting at it. For me, the real secret is not having to rely on the muse to tickle my creativity. I force myself to just sit down and writing something, often complete trash but usually with some nugget I can salvage. And although I just finished saying I write from the beginning to the end, my mood might dictate what I write that day. I will occasionally skip to a scene with my killer if I have had a particularly bad day. I also usually have three or four projects on the go at any one time.

But the real saving grace for me?  In Yvette, I have the most understanding wife in the world. She supports me, even if she doesn’t understand why I feel it necessary to edit the same book over and over and over. This allows me the time and energy to work (guilt free) on the various activities associated with writing and promoting.

K-

Congrats on your two new granddaughters and also for the baby who is on the way. What a blessing.

I agree that the support of your spouse means everything.  Thank you, Yvette- the world needs more of Derek’s books : )

It sounds like  writing a murder scene could be very therapeutic. I can see that:

A bad day at work, a troublesome boss that has you all stressed out… And then, a few minutes after you get home…he gets what he’s got coming!

I have a ritual. I like to do a “writing exercise” with the authors that I interview. I give them a scene and then ask them to re-write the scene in their own special style. Are you game?

D-

Yes.

K-Okay- here you go:

Anil sat quietly in the dark room, staring down into the amber liquid in the glass he held in his hand. He quickly swallowed the whiskey, in one gulp. Then he screamed out filthy obscenities, while he hurled the glass to the floor. He grimaced as a large glass shard bounced up and lodged in his bare ankle. He reached down and grabbed the glass shard, and pushed it deeply in to his skin, and then pulled the shard through his leg, all the way up to his knee. 
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
He screamed out in pain and then grabbed the glass shard and threw it back on the floor. He didn't notice the blood gushing down his leg and pooling on the floor. He felt a little better now. He had discovered that cutting himself seemed to calm him down. Sometimes he became so irate and agitated it took more than just a few cuts. It was starting to escalate. Like a drug, he needed more and more. The month before he was not able to soothe himself until he had sliced off his pinky finger.

D-
This was fun! However, you might notice that my characters are usually more proactive, less prone to self-infliction and more prone to blaming others for their problems – and then taking it out of them. 
Anil sat staring at the old style computer monitor, absently swirling the amber liquid in the Glencairn glass, not even noticing the enticing aroma of the whiskey. He couldn’t take his eyes off the damn screen and the smiling couple on the Facebook update. Now that she was with that smiling sack of skin, Anil knew he was forgotten, ignored. Nonexistent.

“You bitch,” he said in a low voice.

Downing his drink in a single gulp, he weighed the heavy glass in his hand. Pulling back, he threw it, exploding the monitor in a cascade of sparks and smoke, obliterating the happy couple on the screen.

Looking down, he saw a shard of the monitor in his forearm. He studied the sharp glass, watching the blood well out. In a slow, deliberate motion, he pulled the thin glass along his arm, fascinated as the already scarred skin parted and blood dripped down his arm. He felt no pain. There was a time, before he met her, when cutting himself was the only way he felt alive. The pain allowed him to feel something, anything. Now, there was only the hollowness since she deserted him. Now, even the pain was just a dull sensation – like his entire world without her.

Cutting himself had no effect.

But cutting her?

He pulled the thin glass from his arm and watched a single drop of blood fall onto his desk. What would he feel if he was to pull this across that smiling face of hers? Would he finally begin to feel again as he sliced into those perky breasts she was so proud of? She couldn’t see a life with him? He could make sure she wouldn’t see at all. What would this little shard do to those big brown eyes of hers?

He remembered her status update and smiled. So, she was getting engaged?

How would she wear that big sparking diamond if she didn’t have a ring finger?

K-

Wow!  I did not see that coming!  That was an excellent twist to what I had expected.  I knew it would be spectacular. Thank you.






Derek, I really appreciate your joining us. It was wonderful chatting with you. Where can people find you and your work on the web?

D-

I welcome all fans, stalkers and people who just have too much time on their hands while surfing the web…



Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Facebook Launches Suicide Prevention Tool- Bullying Epidemic!

Bullying and youth suicide has become a popular topic today.  It seems as though every week there are new stories of the tragic deaths of children and teens who were tormented by their peers.

Now, Facebook has even taken steps to try to help those who may be having suicidal thoughts. The company introduced changes that allow any user to highlight content from a friend or acquaintance they believe may be the result of suicidal thoughts or behaviour. Once the user highlights the content, the person who posted it will receive a direct link to a private, online chat session with a counsellor.

Facebook will then email the user in distress a direct link for a private online chat with a crisis representative from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline as well as the group's phone number.

According to Reuters, the new tool gives people who may not be comfortable picking up the phone a direct avenue to seek help.
"This was a natural progression from something we've been working on for a long time," Wolens said.
It's important that there is a finally a growing awareness of this rising epidemic in bullying. Education is the key.   Everyone needs to be aware of the signs of bullying and what to do when you spot a situation.  That is why I wrote a short handbook that I am giving away- free of charge.  You can get your free copy here.

Do you know that there are different types of bullying?

Physical Bullies
This includes hitting or kicking the victim.  Also taking or damaging the victim's property. This is the most obvious type of bullying because it is so easy to spot. Physical bullies are usually known to the entire population in the school.


Verbal Bullies
Verbal bullies use words to hurt or humiliate another person. This would include name-calling, insulting, making racist comments and teasing. This type of bullying is the easiest to inflict on other children. It can be done quickly and on the sly.  Its effects can be more devastating than physical bullying, because these scars stay with you forever.

Relational Bullies
Relational or relationship bullies try to convince their peers to exclude or reject a certain person or people and cut the victims off from their social connections. This type of bullying is linked to verbal bullying and usually occurs when children (most often girls) spread nasty rumors about others or exclude an ex-friend from the peer group. The most devastating effect with this type of bullying is the rejection by the peer group at a time when children most need their social connections.
For more on types of bullying click here.

This could be a great opportunity to open the dialog with the children in your life:

Can you identify the type of bullying in the scenarios below?

This is a situation where Ally and Bella are playing and then Jenny asks them if she can play too.  Ally and Bella roll their eyes and tell Jenny that she can not play with them.
 
This is hurtful and Jenny will feel that she is being left out or ostracized.
This is relational bullying.

Here's another situation where Bobby and Nick think it's really funny to hide Jimmy's coat.  Jimmy asks them if they know where it is, but they will not tell him.  Jimmy is upset.  He has to go to recess, in the cold, with no coat.  Plus, he will get in trouble at home when he must tell his parents that he lost his coat. 

This is cruel and humiliating. 
This is physical bullying.

In this situation Jenny walks in the bathroom and finds Ally and Bella combing their hair.  Jenny says, "Hi." and Ally and Bella ignore her and then Ally says, "Why are your sleeves rolled up Jenny- it's winter!" and then Ally and Bella laugh at Jenny.  Jenny leaves the bathroom in tears.  She will be upset all day and have a hard time sleeping that night.  She is humiliated and hurt. 

This is hurtful and humiliating.  It is very mean to make fun of someone and laugh at them.
This is verbal bullying.

Another situation could be where Bobby and Nick are playing on the basketball team and they never pass the ball to Jimmy-even when Jimmy is in the perfect position and he's open to catch the ball.

This is wrong.  It is hurtful and mean to exclude Jimmy. Everyone deserves their turn.
 This is relational bullying.

In life- not just sports- we must realize that we only win when we are team players.  When we work together as a team we always succeed.  We all need to treat each other with kindness and love.
God said, "Treat others as you would want to be treated."  So before you do something mean or thoughtless to someone- think of how you would feel if they did the same to you?

Here are some random facts about bullies:

Even though a bully will insult their victim and try to ridicule the way the victim looks, the fact is- most bullies are unattractive. And even if they were attractive, they would still look ugly because of their ugly behavior.

The purpose of bullying is to hide the fact that they are not very smart.  In reality, they are weak and incompetent.  They want to take all attention away from their inadequacy.  Even though the bully puts on a big show, with the ability to attract and intimidate many followers, bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus feel insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor proven in all studies of bullying.

Bullies operate on resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices against anyone who is different. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection is another powerful motivator of bullying.

Today, bullying behaviors at school are recognized as dangerous and harmful acts that victimize the targeted student and bystanders. Bullying can no longer be dismissed as harmless teasing.  Bullying is a pattern of deliberate, negative, hurtful, aggressive acts that works to shift the balance of physical, emotional, or social power.  This is a hate crime.  Yes a crime.

They are currently working on legislature to pass laws that will ensure if someone if convicted of bullying, as a child, they will go to a juvenile detention facility or if they are a teenager or adult, they will most likely be tried as an adult and go to prison.

If you are or have been a victim of a bully, you are in good company.  Some famous people who have been bullied include:
  • Lady Gaga
  • Robert Patterson- yes, Edward from Twilight
  • Kristen Stewart- Bella from Twilight
  • Taylor Lautner- Jacob from Twilight
  • Daniel Radcliffe- star of Harry Potter movies
  • Emma Watson- the star from the Harry Potter movies
  • Miley Cyrus
  • Prince Harry
  • Kate Middleton
  • Michael Phelps
  • Christine Aguilara
  • Chris Rock
  • Pierce Brosnan- that's James Bond
  • Bill Clinton- a former president of the United States
  • Tiger Woods
  • Demi Lovato
  • Rhianna
  • Taylor Swift
  • Justin Timberlake
So, please keep your eyes open.  Whether you are a student or a parent or a teacher,  you must watch out for your fellow "team members".   As a decent human being, it is everyone's responsibility to keep our children safe.  Remember, "It takes a village to raise a child".  If you see any bullying behavior- be brave and do the right thing.  Your action could save a life.

As I mentioned earlier, I have written a short handbook to help you spot the signs and know what to do when you recognize bullying behavior.  I am giving away the book - free of charge.  Let's get the word out! The book is 'The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight'
and you can get your free copy here

Picture: Sad girl Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kprj/with/3180217508/

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Being Bullied- My Story

There are memories in my childhood that are still so painful I try not to think about it.   When those memories do come rushing back, the tears begin to flow. It's hard to believe that after all these years; I can feel the sadness as though it were yesterday.

You see, when I was a little girl, I was the victim of bullying.  I had just moved to a new city with my parents and I was starting at a new school.  I missed my old friends, but I hoped I would make some nice new friends.  I was kind of shy and quiet so I was nervous.  But it was exciting.  I didn't know what to expect- but I never expected what happened. 

On my first day of school, the bully in my class decided to single me out.  Looking back- it seems so absurd that someone can randomly pick an innocent child and then terrorize them based on something like their name or the fact that they wear glasses.  It's also hard to believe that this boy had so much power over the rest of the children- no one dared to confront him.  He could make other children join in with the taunting and teasing.

No one would defy him to be my friend.  They were afraid.  This could result in the bully focusing his abuse on them.  Even the teachers ignored the abuse.

Then there were the school rituals that fed right into the bully culture.

When it came to gym class there was a dreaded process that the teachers used to build the teams.  The teachers picked a couple of children to be the "Team Captains", and then those children would pick their teams.  It was so humiliating.  I knew I would be the last one chosen.  I didn't even want to play because the bully and his friends always welcomed the opportunity to hit me with the ball or just run into me and knock me to the ground. 

He made my life a sad and lonely hell.  It wasn't just the taunting and name calling.  At recess he and his friends just tortured me.  Between the taunting and being hurt physically, it was terrorism.  He once hit me in the face with a football and I still remember how badly that hurt.  I cried but no one came to my rescue.

My mother told me to ignore him.  I did.  It didn't change anything.  I had a very ignorant relative that asked me, what was wrong with me?  There must be something wrong with me or the kid would not pick on me. 

I didn't know.  At this point I was confused.  I was only seven years old. Maybe something was wrong with me. But what changed? I had a lot of friends at my old school.  We all got along really well.  I didn't understand.

I had a hard time falling asleep at night because I had a pain in my stomach.  I was afraid of what would happen the next day at school.  I loved Fridays, I cherished my weekend reprieve from the suffering, but I started feeling sick on Sunday morning, knowing it was only a matter of hours...

I prayed and prayed to God to make the bully leave me alone, but the bullying never stopped.  Thankfully after a couple of years the school closed.  I went to a new school.  The bully went to a different school. 

 Everything changed.  I was back to being a normal kid with friends.  Thank God.

That happened to me many, many years ago and yet when I think about it or talk about it, I start to cry.  I cry for that helpless little girl so many years back and I cry for my young nieces and nephews- I never want them to go through anything like that.  And I cry for the children that were bullied so badly they felt there was no way out and they killed themselves.  Now their parents and brothers and sisters will always wish they had done something.   No innocent child deserves to be bullied. 

I believe the solution is education.  Everyone needs to be aware of the signs of bullying and what to do when you spot a situation.  That is why I wrote a short handbook called The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight.  The proceeds go to 'The Bullying Epidemic Foundation'.  You can find the book here

Do you know that there are different types of bullying?

Physical Bullies
This includes hitting or kicking the victim.  Also taking or damaging the victim's property. This is the most obvious type of bullying because it is so easy to spot. Physical bullies are usually known to the entire population in the school.


Verbal Bullies
Verbal bullies use words to hurt or humiliate another person. This would include name-calling, insulting, making racist comments and teasing. This type of bullying is the easiest to inflict on other children. It can be done quickly and on the sly.  Its effects can be more devastating than physical bullying, because these scars stay with you forever.

Relational Bullies

This could be a great opportunity to open the dialog with the children in your life:

Can you identify the type of bullying in the scenarios below?

This is a situation where Ally and Bella are playing and then Jenny asks them if she can play too.  Ally and Bella roll their eyes and tell Jenny that she can not play with them   

This is hurtful and Jenny will feel that she is being left out or ostracized. 
This is relational bullying.

Here's another situation where Bobby and Nick think it's really funny to hide Jimmy's coat.  Jimmy asks them if they know where it is, but they will not tell him.  Jimmy is upset.  He has to go to recess, in the cold, with no coat.  Plus, he will get in trouble at home when he must tell his parents that he lost his coat.   

This is cruel and humiliating.  
This is physical bullying.

In this situation Jenny walks in the bathroom and finds Ally and Bella combing their hair.  Jenny says, "Hi." and Ally and Bella ignore her and then Ally says, "Why are your sleeves rolled up Jenny- it's winter!" and then Ally and Bella laugh at Jenny.  Jenny leaves the bathroom in tears.  She will be upset all day and have a hard time sleeping that night.  She is humiliated and hurt.   

This is hurtful and humiliating.  It is very mean to make fun of someone and laugh at them. 
This is verbal bullying.

Another situation could be where Bobby and Nick are playing on the basketball team and they never pass the ball to Jimmy-even when Jimmy is in the perfect position and he's open to catch the ball. 

This is wrong.  It is hurtful and mean to exclude Jimmy. Everyone deserves their turn.  
This is relational bullying.

In life- not just sports- we must realize that we only win when we are team players.  When we work together as a team we always succeed.  We all need to treat each other with kindness and love. 
God said, "Treat others as you would want to be treated."  So before you do something mean or thoughtless to someone- think of how you would feel if they did the same to you?

Here are some random facts about bullies:

Even though a bully will insult their victim and try to ridicule the way the victim looks, the fact is- most bullies are unattractive.

The purpose of bullying is to hide the fact that they are not very smart.  In reality, they are weak and incompetent.  They want to take all attention away from their inadequacy.

Even though the bully puts on a big show, with the ability to attract and intimidate many followers, bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus feel insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor proven in all studies of bullying. 

Bullies operate on resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices against anyone who is different. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection is another powerful motivator of bullying.

Today, bullying behaviors at school are recognized as dangerous and harmful acts that victimize the targeted student and bystanders. Bullying can no longer be dismissed as harmless teasing.  Bullying is a pattern of deliberate, negative, hurtful, aggressive acts that works to shift the balance of physical, emotional, or social power.  This is a hate crime.  Yes a crime. 

They are currently working on legislature to pass laws that will ensure if someone if convicted of bullying, as a child, they will go to a juvenile detention facility or if they are a teenager or adult, they will most likely be tried as an adult and go to prison.

If you are or have been a victim of a bully, you are in good company.  Some famous people who have been bullied include:
  • Lady Gaga
  • Robert Patterson- yes, Edward from Twilight
  • Kristen Stewart- Bella from Twilight
  • Taylor Lautner- Jacob from Twilight
  • Daniel Radcliffe- star of Harry Potter movies
  • Emma Watson- the star from the Harry Potter movies
  • Miley Cyrus
  • Prince Harry
  • Kate Middleton
  • Michael Phelps
  • Christine Aguilara
  • Chris Rock
  • Pierce Brosnan- that's James Bond
  • Bill Clinton- a former president of the United States
  • Tiger Woods
  • Demi Lovato
  • Rhianna
  • Taylor Swift
  • Justin Timberlake
So, please keep your eyes open.  Whether you are a student or a parent or a teacher,   you must watch out for your fellow "team members".   As a decent human being, it is everyone's responsibility to keep our children safe.  Remember, "It takes a village to raise a child".  If you see any bullying behavior- be brave and do the right thing.  Your action could save a life.
As I mentioned earlier, I have written a short handbook to help you spot the signs and know what to do when you recognize bullying behavior.  I am giving away the book - free of charge
It's called, The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight'
and you can get your copy here:
 
Let's get the word out!